My Story

I was born on February 21st, 1980.  With the gift of life I was also given a gift from God.  I was born with a disorder called Bipolar II. I was fortunate to make it into my mid twenties before I was really effected by the disorder.  Don't get me wrong, I did struggle in the early years and throughout my teens, but I was not crippled by it.  I just always felt a little different, a little odd, a little confused as to who I was. 

I remember the day I was officially diagnosed.  I had recently attempted suicide and was released from the hospital with the promise to seek psychological help. I was required to take a mental health evaluation upon my first visit and it took no time at all for the psychiatrist to determine that I indeed did have bipolar.  It would be almost ten years later that I would be diagnosed with Bipolar II.  The news terrified me.  I was 22 and a single mom of a 5 year-old son.  I didn't have time to deal with this.  I had a kid to raise.  So I dipped out of the rest of the sessions and continued on with my life like I had never received that devastating news.

I was in my mid-to-late twenties when my disorder took over and I lost all control.  My son's father took custody and I moved back home with both my dad and my grandma.  I started losing all control of my actions and I went with it.  I was safe with my family and my son was taken care of.  I let my bipolar run it's course without any interference.  I believed that they only way I could overcome my disorder was to fully understand how it felt. During this time I was also getting help with my disorder.  I was seeing a psychologist that helped me understand the scientific side of the bipolar. 

I devised a saying that would guide me, motivate me, encourage me, and focus me throughout the rest of my journey with bipolar.  "Knowledge leads to Acceptance leads to Power." 

Going to counseling, reading anything that I could find on the internet, and joining a support group helped me to find the knowledge.  Once I was comfortable with knowing all that I could at that time, I was freed to move onto the next step, acceptance.  Accepting that I had bipolar was harder for me to do than the research was.  I did allot of sole searching and usually came up empty.  It wasn't until I was baptist Catholic that I really started to be open to accepting my disorder.  I still remember the late night conversation that I had with God about why he made me bipolar.  His answer was simple.  "I gave you a gift."  It took some time to fully understand why God thought my bipolar was a gift.  When I did finally understand the gift part it opened my eyes to a whole new world.  I had achieved acceptance. 

God did give me a gift.  He made me different from anyone else I know.  I like to be different.  He gave me a gift a strength that I didn't even know I possessed. He gave obstacles to overcome everyday because he knows I get bored easily.  But the best gift of all that he gave me was the gift to help others in a way that most cannot.  I can help others because I understand what they might not.  I have a gift of knowing who has bipolar without them even knowing.  He gave me the gift of compassion to help explain to them what they do not know.  He gave me many gifts with my bipolar. 

I am happy to say that today I currently live in the last step of my bipolar journey.  I live in the power.  I have power and control over my bipolar.  I am still seeking counseling on a weekly basis, I take all my daily medications, I am enrolled at Penn State University where I am working on a Bachelors degree in journalism, I am married with 4 beautiful children, and I am able to maintain my own finances.  These are all goals I set for myself and never would be able to accomplish if I hadn't taken the time to overcome a crippling disorder.  I am happy to say that I am comfortable with my disorder and I look forward to each chemical imbalance it brings me.