On My Mind

Everyday I face an uncomfortable frustration. I feel irritated to the max for no reason. I lack the motivation to even get out of bed. I struggle to find the joy in anything. I just want to crawl into a dark cave and hibernate. I know what the problem is. I know what I was diagnosed with so many years ago. I know how they say to overcome it.  I know what I have to do. As hard as I try or as many times as I pull up my straps,  I  a m constantly weighed down. I turn upwards in prayer. I turn downwards in silence. I wait. And wait. And wait. But nothing happens. Nothing changes. Nothing works. I stop fighting. I stop trying. I stop thinking. I just stop. I was born this way and I will die this way. Strong enough to fight tomorrow. Too weak to move today. Already forgot about yesterday.

Let me tell you about my crazy cat. She wakes with me every morning. Does her morning strerches and yawns.  Then joine me in the bathroom where she proceeds to meow until I pet her.  Then we venture downstairs together. She usually screams (meows as loud as she can cause i know cats cant scream) at me while I make my breakfast. I dont think she likes it when I feed myself before I feed her.  And from the sound of her cry you would think she was starving. But she usually only eats a nibble or two and she is done. After breakfast she will take her bath where ever she feels comfy. Most of the time it is on the floor in the sun spot.  Then once she is clean she will venture towards the front door.  This time instead of screaming it sounds more like begging. "Please let me out mommy.  Ill die if I cant go out." The first thing she does after I let her out is to roll around in the dirt.  Makes me wonder what the point of the morning bath was.  Once ...

There are so many awful things happening in the world around us today.  Tragedies from mass shootings, to accidents that have hurt little children, to crocked politicians, and even violations of certain rights.  It seems like you can not pick up a paper or social media without reading about some kind of tragedy or another. This saddens me. But what saddens me even more is the way people react to these tragedies.  It seems like the first reaction is to place blame. We as a society have become focused on holding someone responsible that we can not see that it may have been an accident.  Yes, bad things are going to happen, and yes it sucks.  But blaming someone that is not at fault does not fix it or make it go away. It does not make it easier to deal with. It only creates another problem. A problem that becomes bigger then the original situation. Another problem is how sensative we as a society have become. We allow ourselves to be offened by everything. We the...

They say everyone has to grow up sometime. Well I want to know just how much do we have to grow up? Yes we should all take responsibility for our actions, get a job and pay our own bills and set a good exampke for our children. That is all fine but there are some things that kids enjoy that I find myself still enjoying. Like watching cartoons and eating sugary cereals for breakfast, blowing bubbles in the yard, chasing down the ice cream truck on a hot summers day, spending the whole day in a swimning pool, and the list goes on. So now that Im a grown up do I have to stop these fun activities? If so, whats the fun in all that?

I am currently 39 1/2 weeks pregnant with my second child.  This will be the first for me and my husband. I have a 19 year old son and my husband has an two daughters who are 11 and a 10 years old.  We are expecting a boy. I have now been on maternity leave for about two weeks. I have already finished my "things to do around the house" list, I have finished the nursery, and all the house cleaning. I have even finished the "projects to get to around the house" list. And if all that wasnt enough I have also finished my "watch on netflix" list. Needless to say I am now offically bored. And I am not the most patient person.  Yeah I have patients for people and children and dumb situations, but I do not have patients when I am ready and waiting for something exciting to happen. I have been trying to tell myself to enjoy these last few minutes of quite because this baby boy is about to turn my world upside down. But honestly, I have been waiting many years for...